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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {